Wednesday, 29 July 2009

The Neckwear Riots Begin

Well, okay, rioting is possibly a touch strong. Some people started up a Facebook group. Uh huh. But still: viva la revolucion!

Their noble cause: clip-on ties.

Pupils at McAuley Catholic High School in Doncaster (a notorious hotbed of dissidence) are gathering their pitchforks and burning torches at the revelation that the school proposes to introduce clip-on ties.

To these pupils I say: you are on the side of the righteous.

Clip-on ties are a frigging monstrosity. A disgusting item of clothing. If you're not going to have proper ties, don't have a tie at all. It's simple.

Two paragraphs of the BBC News report bear repeating:

In May the Schoolwear Association, the trade body for the school uniform industry, said 10 schools a week in the UK were switching, because of fears of ties getting caught in equipment or strangling pupils.

The association also said that clip-on ties can stop pupils from customising the size of the knots in their ties.

I like the idea of ties strangling pupils. Like some (really shit) horror film. Attack of the Killer Neckwear. And the latter paragraph features, without doubt, the best use of the verb 'to customise' that I've encountered for some time.

Sadly, though, the protests don't seem to be aesthetic in their motivation: 'I personally think they are a pathetic waste of money', reads the 'statement from the Facebook protest group'.

So – disappointingly – it's all about the money, after all.

As for Facebook protest groups in general ... Well, dear readers, that is a subject for another time ...

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