Thursday, 21 August 2008

Bored of the Credit Crunch

When did it happen? Was it when the 'man on the street' on BBC News complained about "not being able to put bread on the table"?

Was it when I overheard a Gucci-handbagged woman in Marks & Spencers complain that a lemon now cost 46p?

Or was it when I received a marketing email which included the line, "We know: times are tough"?

I'm not sure when it was, my friends.

But I have this to say to the global economic downturn:

Crunch my ass.

(Something I've said, in a number of contexts, as you may well imagine.)

Crunch my mo-foing ass.

Man on the street: sell your goddamn flatscreen TV and start taking the frickin' bus before you start complaining about "not being able to put bread on the table". Or take a trip to Haiti: that's crunch, mate.

Gucci-woman: buy a nice big string bag of organic lemons. Open 'er up. Savour that zingy, citric aroma ...

... And stick one of them into every orifice.

Roasted on a spit, you'd feed a famine-ravaged family for months.

And to whoever wrote that marketing email: let me tell you - times are not tough. Really, really not tough. If 'times' were a steak, they might be medium-rare at most.

Get a sense of perspective.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I found this article by googling "Bored of the credit crunch." If everybody is as bored of trying to save money as I am then we'll all start spending a bit of money and the problem will be solved anyway.

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